A Guide to Writing Your Next Novel in 10 Easy Steps

And some other things...

Every time I start writing a novel, I have to reminded myself that writing a book is not an impossible task, that I have done so before and can do it again. To do that, I share this short guide to writing a novel I wrote a few years ago. It helps me get things done. Hope it helps you! 

A Guide to Writing Your Next Novel in 10 Easy Steps:

Step 1: 

Stand in the middle of the road in a strange part of town and scream “Everything’s a construct!” at the top of your lungs.

Step 2: 

Read amazing novels and get angry because you’ll never be that good and maybe no one loves you. Maybe you really are a hack. When you’re done, take your insecurities into a dark alley and shoot them in the back of the head with a shotgun.

Step 3: 

Get inside your blood. Find the ghosts that ride your veins and fight them. Let them win the first round. Then get up and destroy them.

Step 4: 

Pull your deepest fears out of the bottom drawer of your soul and staple them to your face with the sharp bones of tiny birds.

Step 5:

Listen to your favorite music. Then listen to something darker. Listen to something awful and scary. Listen to the ominous silence. Listen to music from movies you’ve never seen. Listen to atmospheric black metal while walking around the woods at night holding a knife.

Step 6: 

Eat tacos and ponder life without soy sauce or garlic or salsa or sofrito.

Step 7:

Remind yourself of every fight, every accident, every dance with fear, every night spent pressing your tongue against the blood clots on the inside of your lips, every broken promise, every drop of anger, every death that crushed you, every spirit you’ve ever felt.

Step Step 7:

Remind yourself of every fight, every accident, every dance with fear, every night spent pressing your tongue against the blood clots on the inside of your lips, every broken promise, every drop of anger, every death that crushed you, every spirit you’ve ever felt. 

Step 8:

Punch a wall until your knuckles bleed. Lick the blood off your knuckles. Punch the wall some more. Remember no one owes you a thing. Smile. Pick up a gutter flower and put it in your hair. Tell the world you can do this. Tell yourself you can do this. Do this.

Step 9:

Type as if the keyboard owed you money. When you hit a passage that means something, hold your breath and keep going. Kill every meaningless word. Let it all out on the page. Then sharpen it until it’s sharp enough to draw blood from the moon.

Step 10: 

Reply to the voices in your head. Scream at the moon. Understand that hell’s fire is nothing compared to what you hide under your skin. Obsess about everything. Cry without shedding any tears. Finish the damn thing. Move on to the next one with a new set of neon scars.

On to some other things!

First, I think y’all will get to see the cover of House of Bone and Rain soon. I’m excited about that. Stay tuned. Also, proof pages are in and I love the font and layout. This one feels special for a variety of reasons, but the main one is that this story has been in my head since around 1999. Can’t wait to share it with you all.

I’m in the process of putting stuff on my calendar because last year was absolute chaos. If you want me for something, let me know. In 2023 I had to say no to a lot of cool things because I was somewhere else that day/week/weekend. Also, a reminder that I will come talk to your students if you have a big budget, a small budget, or no budget. Seriously. I love talking to students.

lastly, my January column for the New York Times is ready to go, so expect it soon. I’m very much looking forward to an entire year of write about horror for the NYT.

Thanks for reading! Stay warm. More soon.

G