The Gabino Iglesias Online MFA: First Semester

It's back and better than ever!

A few years ago I got tired of seeing writers take classes they didn't need, so I created my own MFA program. Now it’s back and better than ever! The whole thing will be online because nothing's worse than a workshop where you have to look at the faces of those criticizing your work, especially if their own work sucks. In any case, I know grammar, syntax, character development, pacing, and worldbuilding, to name a few, are elements that writers need to learn about, but I think you can get really good at all those by writing and reading like your life depended on it. (If you're a writer, your life depends on it, so READ.) Instead of tackling those standard topics, which you can learn elsewhere, my MFA program will focus on giving you useful knowledge you won't get in any other program. Here are some classes that will be offered during the first semester.

Writers Write

I once wrote a funny list for a website about things that don't make you a writer (i.e. having a cat, drinking coffee, talking about writing, owning a typewriter, etc). People, like always, got really mad at me. I received hateful messages and replies for weeks. I don’t care. Here’s the thing: having a cat or drinking coffee or owning a typewriter don't make you a writer. In fact, the only thing that makes you a writer is writing. In this class you will learn to sit down and put words on the page. That's it. Everything else is irrelevant. NOTE: This class is painful. You actually have to do work. Tweeting about how hard the class is doesn't count as writing.

The Art of Rejection

Rejection is part of the game. In fact, I've received more rejections than acceptances, and that’s normal. Agents will say no. Editors will say no. Venues will say no. Readers will say no. Your mom will say no. Everyone will say no. If that will crush you, maybe this isn't the best career for you. In this class, we will teach you that every rejection is an invitation to send your work elsewhere. We will also teach you that rejection is best left in the past. They say no, you shrug and move on. You keep writing. You keep submitting. And you don’t send those agents or editors angry replies like some angry toddler with a keyboard. Eventually, someone will say yes, and that only means you have to keep doing what you've been doing because sooner or later someone else will say no again…and then someone will say yes again.

Writing Doesn't Make You Special

Wait...you’re a writer? Oh my god! Are you serious?! You know what? No one gives a shit. You can walk out of your house, go to the local coffee shop or pizza joint, and you'll find a writer there. Writing doesn't make you special. No one owes you anything. Writing is what you do, and it’s okay if people don’t care or hate your genre. Some people drive taxis. Some people teach high school. Some people do landscaping. Some people take care of your teeth or your heart. Some people design buildings or drive a garbage truck or teach college or clean hotel rooms or cook at a restaurant or work as cashiers. They all matter. You write, so you matter as well, but not everyone gets excited about those other jobs, so most people won’t get excited about yours. Also, maybe you do something else and then write when not doing that other thing. That was me for two decades. I was a writer, sure, but I was teaching high school or working as a journalist or grading essays or working the phones at an insurance company. No one was excited about any of those gigs. Anyway, in this class, we will cry and bemoan the fact that writers don't get special treatment. Then we will help you get over it so you can get back to writing, which is the only thing that matters.

Poetry and Pulp

These two belong together. I know you've heard different. I know you think there are these boundaries for genres and that some things can't be mixed. This class will teach you that there are no rules and genre is something marketing folks should worry about, not you. By the end of the semester, you will probably smack anyone who tries to waste your time with "literary fiction vs genre fiction" debates.

Do Some Research

Don't know something? Research it. Unsure about a topic? Nothing ten hours of studying won't cure. The world is full of things you ignore (oh, how people hate to hear that!). That's why research is crucial. Also, if you are going to write about experiences, places, and cultures that you don't know, hours upon hours of research are the only thing keeping you from a monumental fuckup. This class is all about showing you how to go above and beyond those top five results on the first page of any Google search. You will be a much better writer after taking this class, and you will end up with a plethora of new ideas for stories.

Hustle or Die

This is the simplest class: Hustle or Die. No one will come find you and ask if they can publish you. No one will discover your books by browsing through Amazon for hours. No one will know you have something new out in the world if you don't tell them. No one will hand you a built platform. No one will offer you freelance work just because you’re cool. Everything you get will come from you going out there and getting it.

Getting Used to Editing

Oh, you hate editing? Then maybe writing isn't for you. Here’s a short list of things in life that are guaranteed: taxes, death, and you need to edit that thing. Then, yes, you have to edit it again…and then again. Editing is showing your work love. Editing is how you demonstrate you care. Editing is the difference between the amateurs and the professionals. Editing matters. In this class, we show you how to accept editing, to embrace the opportunity to make your work better.

Haters Ain't Shit

Haters don't pay your bills. Paying attention to haters doesn't get you published or put words on the page or money in your pocket. When you go for a walk, you don't stop to interact with the dog turds on the street, right? Well, haters deserve the same attention: none. In this class, we show you how to breathe deeply for a few seconds and move on with your life when assholes come at you online. Gonna put down a thousand words? You should add them to your novel, not waste them on an internet argument that will bring you nothing good. NOTE: There will be another class focused on destroying editors and publishers who don't pay you as well as abusers, harassers, and racists. That class shouldn’t be confused with this one. Someone who owes you money is not a hater; it’s someone who needs to pay you, and that requires some attention.

No One Made You Do This

The last class of the first semester! We will remind you that no one is forcing you to write, so complaining about it makes no sense, especially if you’re complaining more than you’re writing. That's like eating cauliflower and then complaining about it... except you went to the store, bought the cauliflower, cooked it, and then ate it. This shit's on you. Always. No one made you do this. The final exam for this class is standing in front of a mirror and repeating "No one made me do this" a hundred times.

This is only the first semester! We have three more to go. The second semester classes will be up soon. If you want to sign up now, look me up on Twitter and I'll send you my PayPal info. Or, you can also get into the program by buying a copy of The Devil Takes You Home, which is on sale right now. The ebook is only $2.99 and the hardcover is more than half off, so it’s about $12. That’s CHEAP. Dig it: https://www.amazon.com/Devil-Takes-You-Home-Novel/dp/0316426911/

Thanks for reading! Hope you have an awesome weekend. Cheers.